I’ll never punish my daughter for saying no.
The first time it comes out of her mouth, I’ll smile gleefully. As she repeats “No! No! No!” I’ll laugh, overjoyed. At a young age, she’ll have mastered a wonderful skill. A skill I’m still trying to learn. I know I’ll have to teach her that she has to eat her vegetables, and she has to take a nap. But “No” is not wrong. It is not disobedience.
1. She will know her feelings are valid.
2. She will know that when I no longer guide her, she still has a right to refuse.
The first time a boy pulls her hair after she says no, and the teacher tells her “boys will be boys,” we will go to her together, and explain that my daughter’s body is not a public amenity. That boy isn’t teasing her because he likes her, he is harassing her because it is allowed. I will not reinforce that opinion. If my son can understand that “no means no” so can everyone else’s.
3. She owes no one her silence, her time, or her cooperation.
The first time she tells a teacher, “No, that is wrong,” and proceeds to correct his public school, biased rhetoric, I’ll revel in the fact that she knows her history; that she knows our history. The first time she tells me “No” with the purpose and authority that each adult is entitled, I will stop. I will apologize. I will listen.
4. She is entitled to her feelings and her space. I, even a a parent, have no right to violate them.
5. No one has a right to violate them.
The first time my mother questions why I won’t make her kiss my great aunt at Christmas, I’ll explain that her space isn’t mine to control. That she gains nothing but self doubt when she is forced into unwanted affection. I’ll explain that “no” is a complete sentence. When the rest of my family questions why she is not made to wear a dress to our reunion dinner. I will explain that her expression is her own. It provides no growth to force her into unnecessary and unwanted situation.
6. She is entitled to her expression.
When my daughter leaves my home, and learns that the world is not as open, caring, and supportive as her mother, she will be prepared. She will know that she can return if she wishes, that the real world can wait. She will not want to. She will not need to. I will have prepared her, as much as I can, for a world that will try to push her down at every turn.
7. She is her own person. She is complete as she is.
I will never punish my daughter for saying no. I want “No” to be a familiar friend. I never want her to feel that she cannot say it. She will know how to call on “No” whenever it is needed, or wanted.
I liked the shows I went to; I wish I could go to more. But the thing I remember is the girls. New Jersey Transit runs special trains to the Meadowlands for MetLife shows, and they brought out extra staff to direct girls through the gates to Secaucus. Knots of New Jersey Transit staff in high-visibility vests, treating girls with kindness. ”I know you’re excited, just make sure you go through the gates one at a time,” a middle-aged guy with a mustache said, smiling, stopping girls and then waving them through so the timing stayed right and nobody got stuck in the gates. ”Have a good time!” When the train finally pulled into the station, teenage girls cheered. The men on the platform didn’t laugh, the conductors made sure to stand and answer everybody’s questions — yes, this is the right train, yes, you’ll get there on time. There was no air conditioning on the train, but nobody complained — everybody sat in their seats, and talked to their friends, and every couple of minutes someone would start singing. I remember when we were walking through Penn Station I had said, “Just think, the next train is going to be all One Direction fans.” It was the best train I’ve ever been on. During the show, Harry told us to hug each other, and we did. The lady checking tickets at the stadium, directing people to their seats: “Enjoy! Have a great night!” and the fans thanking her on the way out. Both shows, we kept saying how we had never been in a place where there were so many girls. ”I like the girl-to-guy ratio here,” Jamie said in Philadelphia. MetLife holds 82,566 people: they played Little Mix’s “Salute” and “Wings” to almost 82,566 girls. In the bathroom in Philadelphia, nobody stopped at the mirror to check their makeup; while I was peeing, I heard a little girl walk in singing: She said spread your wings, my little butterfly / Don’t let what they say keep you up at night. At the Meadowlands they turned the men’s rooms into ladies’ rooms, just hung ladies’ room signs over all the men’s room signs. ”Oh my god,” I said, walking in. ”They turned the men’s rooms into ladies’ rooms, because they knew it was going to be all girls.” ”This must be what it’s like to be a guy,” Isabel said. And that’s what I thought, the whole rest of the show, and all of Philadelphia: This must be what it’s like. To be the default. To be treated like what you care about is worthwhile. To not be looked down on, or told what to do. And then I thought, well, it’s because we’re all gathered here, in one place. This is happening. They can’t stop us, so they have to go along with it. In New Jersey, Liam stood on the catwalk talking about how amazing it was that they were playing stadiums, how amazing it was that the fans had done this for them, and then he laughed, like you do when you realized you just hit the heart of something: “I really think if you wanted to, you could take over the world.” I looked away from him, at 82,566 seats filled with girls and thought: You’re right. And you’re the only person telling us that.
"Defendants took up arms and, in militaristic displays of force and weaponry, engaged U.S. Citizens as if they were war combatants," the suit claims.
WASHINGTON — A multi-million dollar lawsuit was filed in federal court in Missouri on Thursday, seeking compensation for “excessive force” by the police in Ferguson, Missouri, in the days after the shooting of Michael Brown.
According to the suit, the excessive force included false arrest, assault and battery; led to intentional infliction of emotional distress; was the result of negligent supervision and discipline; and resulted in a violation of the plaintiffs’ constitutional rights.
The lawsuit, filed by three out-of-state lawyers — including Malik Shabazz from Black Lawyers for Justice, who participated in the protests in Missouri — seeks multi-million dollar judgments against the City of Ferguson and St. Louis County, as well as one specific ands several unknown officers on behalf of Tracey White, Dewayne A. Matthews Jr., Kerry White, Damon Coleman, and Theophilus Green.
In addition to the city and county, the chief of both city and county police are named as defendants, as is Justin Cosma, a police officer with the Ferguson Police Department.
Source: Chris Geidner for Buzzfeed News